I can completely understand the desire for silence. Finding peace and tranquillity must rate No.1 in anyone’s book. In fairness, sound certainly has its advantages and can be a very emotive form of communication. From wailing whales to whinging wives, sound certainly gets the message across. Moreover, where would we be without good old Rock and Roll? Imagine a world where mp3 simply didn’t exist. A world where one would never know the sound of a child innocently laughing, or the lobalob of a V8 on tickover. There would be no radio industry. No revving of motorbikes or screeching of tyres. Such things of art and beauty would be completely omitted from our lives and vocabulary. I mean, what would you call a lesser spotted tree warbler if you couldn’t hear it warble? How would you know the microwave had finished if you couldn’t hear the ping? Apart from being speechless, one could starve! It would be so depressing that you could write a Blues number about it, but no-one would hear it. 

We are used to noise, in all its shapes and forms, both beautiful and annoying, yet somehow almost unaware of its existence due to its ubiquitous presence. The complete contrast upon entering the silent world below the waves is breathtaking. Ah-ha. But it’s not silent, cry the re-breather-ers. You open circuit people can hear yourself breathe. Those bubbles, they make one hell of a noise. Sucking all that gas in and then blowing it out into the sea. So wasteful too. And those great big metal tanks you wear on your back, they snigger. You don’t look at all like a yellow turtle. I would imagine there’s a well attended internet forum somewhere out there in the ether, with users called Evoman, Desperation and Megladeath, spending their sad, lonely evenings in deep discussion about not only international sofnalime prices, but also decibel ratings abuse by the common open circuit hordes. Not my scene at all. Personally, I don’t really want to look like a yellow turtle and I certainly like to hear myself breathe. It’s somehow re-assuring. Heartbeats I can barely detect, even on a good day, but I find breathing is pretty indicative of good health. And, if it stops, you know there‘s a problem. In fact I can clearly remember the last time I was aware that I’d stopped breathing. I even have it documented on video, but since Tiger Sharks at 50 metres were involved I hope PADI will forgive me for not breathing, just this once. 

The only true way to dive silently is free diving – but even that isn’t guaranteed. Imagine taking a really deep breath, then another ten, and diving down into the dark blue depths below, where sound and light are lost to your senses. Just when you thought you’d found ultimate peace and tranquillity, a place where noise pollution simply didn’t exist, a pair of yellow turtles swims past complaining about the price of sofnalime. There’s no justice.