1968 – 1974: Attended Abingdon School, obtaining
qualifications in reading, righting, sex, drugs and rock and roll. Also learnt how to dive
in cold green soup whilst wearing twin tanks and a zipperless dry suit, escape from a
submarine, leap out of a helicopter and fend of the advances of gay CPOs, all courtesy of
Her Majesties Royal Navy.
1974 – 75: Petrol pump attendant, spice packer, jet washer assembler, night porter
(in a ladies college - ummmmmm), eventually reaching the dizzy heights of chief lavatory
cleaner in the local Ironworks.
1975 – 76: Continuing education at the University of Life, attaining 1st Class
Honours in motorcycle maintenance and alcohol abuse.
1976 – 80: Oxfordshire Fire Service – full time fire-fighter, specialising in
diving into burning buildings wearing a 12 litre tank, Wellington boots and a funny yellow
hat.
1980 – 82: Returned to UOL for postgraduate degree in touring Europe and Africa on a
motorcycle. Studies abruptly terminated in the final year by a broken con-rod outside
Puerto de Sagunto in the southeast of Spain. Changed syllabus and married a hot tempered
Franco/Spanish dusky maiden.
1982 – 1990: Returned to the UK and rode the wave of Mrs. Thatcher’s
"loadsamoney" boom by starting a flourishing welding business followed by a body
builder’s gymnasium and nightclub.
1991: Crashed hard - but Mrs.Thatcher was nowhere to be found.
1992 - 95: Struggled on through the recession and messy divorce from aforementioned
hot-tempered dusky maiden, wondering what life was all about. Re-discovered diving, but
this time in crystal clear warm waters with lots of pretty little fishes, corals and girls
in bikinis – thank you PADI.
1996 – 97: Found that life is all about having fun in the sun whilst being paid to go
diving in the Red Sea.
1997 – 99: Earned a generous tax free salary by building and running dive centres and
hotels in and around Sharm El Sheikh - importing British Rock bands for entertaining the
clients in the above. Started writing cynical articles for Cairo based magazines.
2000 - 04: Back to the sea, running the Royal Diving fleet of safari boats in Sharm,
married to a gorgeous blonde German diving instructor, rearing a 6 year old son, 4 year
old twins, playing harmonica in the local bars, writing articles, scripts and doing
voice-overs for Egyptian videos and films.
2005 - ?: Eking out a meagre
living selling clean fresh air, sucking and blowing on a little organ on the rocks
whilst pumping 500 tanks a day. Currently forced to live on the edge of the cliff and
drink Gin and Tonics on the terrace whilst watching the sun set over the Sinai mountains
of Ras Mohamed National Park.
It's a hard life
but............ |
