Dream on
baby…………………………………
Up at 07.00, in the
diving centre by 07.30, hump the tanks into the pickup and try to find the missing
students on your list. Down to the jetty, hump the tanks onto the boat, a quick fight with
the marine police over how many stamps you have on your crew list, head off to the same
old boring dive site which has been previously decimated by countless thousands of trainee
divers endeavouring to understand the intricacies of buoyancy control. Give a briefing on
the first dive of the day and then re-assemble their equipment since it really does work
best with the BCD the right way up. Jump in first in order to catch the one that always
plummets 12 metres to the sandy bottom whilst catching the two that are drifting out to
sea.
As you swim around to the line to descend, a quick head count
reveals that one of your students is missing. Fortunately, this time, he’s merely
trying to work out which fin is for the left foot and which is for the right. After much
coaxing he jumps in and joins the rest of the group, only to discover that, having
forgotten his weightbelt, he’s left on the surface as everyone else descends. As they
all eventually sit together on the bottom to carry out their exercises, you discover that
one is now almost out of air, another appears to have stopped breathing, and another
couple are looking anywhere but at you. Guess what todays exercise is ? Yes, every
student’s favourite, mask removal. You get three successes, one refusal and two shoot
to the surface the moment the water hits their nose.
Time for a quick lunch of leftovers, only to continue in the same
vein in the afternoon. Then back to the jetty, jostling with the other 200 instructors,
hump the empty tanks back onto the pickup, hanging precariously onto the back of the jeep
for the ride back to the diving centre, arriving totally exhausted just in time to see the
manager disappear with your gorgeous blonde student. Never mind, the stupid short fat
spotty ugly one is patiently waiting for you to explain the RDP tables once more.
Not to worry, only another couple of days of this. Then we can
start all over again.
You’ve read the book, studied the CD’s, seen the film,
now for the reality. Days spent reclining in the sun, your perfectly honed bronzed body
soaking up the rays as your students hang admiringly on your every word, learning from
your wisdom and wishing that they too could be a diving instructor, living such a glorious
life of carefree abandon in exotic places. Long evenings spent with your favourite
pupil(s) on the beach under the soft moonlight, your naked bodies caressed by the gentle
evening breeze, explaining the advantages of going down fast, coming up slow, the use of
knots and lines for deep penetration, regular equipment servicing and lubrication of
moving parts.